And you … would you look?

looking

This time I wanted to just think about human curiosity and the media. They may seem an odd couple but almost without realizing it, the two are closely related.

Curiosity is a quality that makes us more observant and intelligent beings, but at the same time, we become seekers of mordbidness and other’s private stories, even invading intimacies that are not our own.

The fact that people have been curious has brought great advances without which today would be difficult to live: drugs that seem miraculous, therapies that improve mental health, wonderful books, theories revealing truths…

But on the other hand, there is a curiosity with a different meaning (neither better nor worse), just different. I am talking about what we known as gossiping.

Nowadays there are a lot of reality shows on tv that satisfy our gossipy curiosity. These have many detractors as followers. The truth is that leave no one indifferent. People who follow them do it for some reasons: fun, entertainment, and others confess that helps them to be isolated from the world where they live, their worries and concerns. They find the calm that the real world does not provide them.

This thought took far more sense when watching the first chapter of a current serial: “One morning the Prime Minister from what seems the UK is awakened by his security officials because the people’s princess has been kidnapped. He, very confident and calm, asked what the raptor want this time: money, public schools, parks … but there’s nothing like that. What the kidnapper wants is that him has sex with a pig on a particular day and time to be broadcast live to all citizens. Otherwise the princess will be killed. As expected, the news spread it like wildfire on the Internet and all citizens are aware of the request from the kidnapper. Everyone thinks it is gross, disgusting, obscene … but when it comes time everyone is staring at the TV … “And you … would you look?

staring

Anuncios

Diversity and Family

We are in a Spanish school secretary. We are at the beginning of July and the enrollment of students for the next year is being formalized.  The registration forms have been posted on the internet in order to be completed by the families.  The required data, among other, are the following:

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The secretary suddenly realizes that it’s 9.00 and there is a queue longer than usual, so it’s time to attend the people’s demands:

The first one.
I am here because in the internet application it is written Mother and father. I am divorced and we don’t have the joint custody, but I have the legal custody of my daughter and son, I bring a copy of the court judgment. I do not want any other name or data but mine. All the communications from the school have to be exclusively addressed to me and my children won’t be picked up or visited by someone other than myself. Please, could you delete where it says “father”?

The second one.
Good morning, my name is Susan and this is Mary. We are partners for seven years now. We also have a copy of our marriage certificate attached to the documentation required. I have a little girl who is my daughter and I want her to enroll in this center. So, I want two names in the box which contains the word MOTHER; Susan and Mary.

The third one.
Good morning, my name is John and I would like you to write “couple” where it is written “Mother”. If you have a minute I will tell you briefly why I prefer “couple”. I was married to my ex-wife, Zara. I did not want children, but she insisted and got pregnant four years ago. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. We parted friendly and we have no problems living alternatively with our son. However I’ve redone my life with another person. And my ex-wife, affected by the crisis, was fired and now just got a good job in Norway, so she left last week and I have agreed that I will take care, at least for the next year, of our son. By the way, my partner is also called Juan. What a coincidence! Do not you think so? I think that is the target.

The last ones:
Behind the counter you can see a couple older than usual. She pushes a pram where a child is sitting. He carries a handled registration form.

Good morning, we are here because we have been indicated by the city hall that this is the place where we have to bring the child next September. They have helped us to fill the form but no one knew what to write in the gap of “father and mother “. You see, the point is that the child is my grandson. He is the son of my little boy. He always was the craziest of the family. He had a girlfriend, who got pregnant, but they were 18 and they weren’t mature enough. So two weeks after the baby was born, my little son left and we have not heard anything more from them. We are actually their grandparents, well, I’m not sure, but my wife says the baby looks like me…The fact is “what should I put where it says father and mother?”

The road to happiness

FELICIDAD

As we care about our bodies by dieting and doing exercise, the mind also needs some care to enjoy good mental health. This care acts the same way as the scarf we wear to prevent a cold or the vitamins we take to feel better; it protects us from future problems.

The goal of taking care about oneself is welfare and happiness. It is to treat yourself just the same way you take care of a baby: gently, lovingly and being sympathetic.

Here are five simple keys that, in my opinion, improve personal wellbeing acting as a vaccine against possible psychological problems:

1. Having a notebook to write down three things every day for which that day has being worthwhile. They don’t have to be big issues, but those little things that make you feel better. A nice hot shower, a coffee in the morning, looking at a stranger, talking with a friend, laughing at a funny tv scene, cooking the dinner, enjoying a good book, hearing the song you love on the radio…

2. Talking to oneself kindly. As the language creates reality, we should not underestimate the power of words. During the day unfortunate things can happen to us: we drop the food we had been preparing for hours, we forget to buy something we needed, we break something … and the reaction of most people is usually “I am a disaster! “,” I get it all wrong “… All these thoughts are negative views about us and these will cause some negative emotions with the consequent discomfort. What we really should do is strive to change the language to a more positive negative: “Well I’ve had this problem, but it is not disastrous“, “It can happen to anyone,” “It’s normal to make a mistake” … If the language becomes positive, the emotions that arise will also be positive.

3. Living the present. The past and the future are two states that can only be remembered or anticipated. But what we truly live is the present, and it is where we can exercise our power. It is difficult to be aware of the present moment in this society where while we take a shower we are thinking how will your job, what will, how will the new moon cast or where the next curriculum …

The best way to live the present is paying attention to ourselves and being aware of what we do and what we feel. For example, if you take a to take a shower, you will have to watch how the water is, how it falls on your skin, how is the temperature, what makes you feel …

4. Writing 10 good things about yourself as a checklist and keep it to read them often. It may cost a little at the beginning, but 10 is a minimum that anyone should strive to find.

5. Just as you have a closet full of clothes to put as desired, each person should have a closet full of phrases or positive words towards oneself to use when appropriate because these messages of encouragement are what  truly comforte us.

It would be like creating an own personal mantra. But what is a mantra? “A mantra refers to a syllables, words or phrases that are repeated as support for meditation. Mantras are resources to protect our minds against the unproductive cycle of thought and action. Mantras serve to focus and quiet the mind ”

The best to create a phrase which acts as mantra is to think of things we would say to cheer ourselves. For example: “I am a person who deserves to succeed”, “My attitude is positive,” “I feel great,” “I am happy”, “I am strong” … But we can also borrow sentences from movies, books and advertisements.

One of my favorite lines belonging to a movie called The Exotic Marigold Hotel reads: “In the end everything will work out and if not is not the end

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What are the erogenous zones of women and men? Let’s talk about the femenine and masculine pleasure parts

First step to enjoy the body is knowing what to touch and, although many people will be surprised, the largest sexual organ of the body is the same for both men and women. That organ is the skin.

cerebro

The skin is the largest member of the human body and has inside it many sensory receptors that react to pain, pleasure, cold, heat, pressure and all that relates to the touch.

All these sensory receptors transmitted to the brain which  is responsible for interpreting them as more or less pleasurable.

We are very fortunate to have the whole body covered with skin, so there is no excuse for having a monotonous relationship focused only on the genitals. The range is wide because the whole body is included.

Next thing you should know is how to touch the skin. There are many ways to do it:  gently, with a good massage, using oils, with another part of the body instead the hands…

And if we join what you touch and how touch it, we get this box plenty of possibilities. Also, if you combine it, you will get a lot of choices to play alone or with your couple.

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DSM or how to have a negative view of mental health

salud-mental (la piedra filosofal)

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is a book where mental disorders are explained and classified. It is one of the most popular books in regard to mental health. The DSM is well known among Psychologists and Psychiatrics and they often work with it.

I used to be a big follower of that book, but some time ago I changed my mind due to the direct experience with people and the therapy. By that time I realized that a book is not enough to understand someone’s problem. And what once seemed true, not it is hard to believe.

This book describes all the mental disorders and the symptoms that produce them. One of the main problems is that everything is a symptom: behaviors, thoughts and feelings that are part of our daily life are understood as pathologic.

Sadness periods accompanied by tears, obsessive thoughts about food, horrible pictures of accidents, disturbing thoughts, trouble sleeping, complications reaching the orgasm and proper excitation, nervousness while driving, afraid to make decisions, frustration feelings, annoyance and constant moodiness… all of the above and more are COMPLETELY NORMAL, they are part of everybody’s life.

What I want to say is that if there would be psychological manuals with a positive look about what “mental disorders” are, the professionals who deal with mental health would offer a vision of hope in which you can feel the anxiety but you don’t have an anxiety disorder, you can have sadness moments during a time but you don’t have a depression… But despite that, if you meet all the requirements and you are diagnosed, that diagnose has to be a positive one and it can’t be hopeless for the person.

Labeling someone may be discouraging not only for the person who is labeled, but also for the professionals who treat him/her.

But… what does Sexology mean?

HPIM0006

About men and women

It is common to talk about what people do for a living. When I say I am a psychologist and a sexologist some laugh shyly and others stare puzzled. The reason is because people confuse sex with sexual relationships. But sexology is not only about people’s sexual affairs.

Sexology is a word formed by: “sex” and “logy”. “Sex” comes from the Latin “sexus”, which at the beginning meant “to separate”. So, when we talk about sex we are actually talking about the people’s separation in two teams: men and women. And “logy” which means “study of”

Therefore, sexology refers to the two ways of being in the world: as a men or as a women (but I have to say that there are lots of ways to be a men and a women) and everything related with that:

  • The sex drive
  • The identity
  • The bodies
  • The relationships
  • The sexual orientation
  • The couple
  • The masturbation,
  • The fantasies
  • The communication
  • The breeding
  • The prevention

Furthermore, sexologists also pay attention to other issues which are closely related: the self-esteem, the emotions, the fears, the shame, the education, the personal preference… Briefly, sexology is about people.

Introduction

Hi to everyone!

It’s my first time exploring this particular world where people write, other read and another ones discuss. Nowadays we can’t ignore the fact that the Internet is a place where unknown people meet and can have rewarding relationships among them.

I wanted to create a blog because I would like to pass on my thoughts about my two passions:  psychology and sexology.

I became a psychologist some years ago and I was also fortunate to study a Master of sexology. During my studies I have realized that the best way to learn is sharing with others. What we think, what we discuss and what we argue are such a wonderful knowledge sources.

These are the reasons why I am here.

Isa